我的现在
争取每天更新 1002日记- 我头痛。从前天晚上，我总是痛苦，痛苦的要把我身上的眼睛，皮肤，耳聋等全部抓走。我受不了了。总是在这个shit hole的情绪中飘着，要沉下去也沉不了。要闭眼睛睡觉，可tmd就总睡不着。求你飞进来，把我从这个噩梦叼走。求求你……忍不住了。
- panini
- my head hurts.
- 今天的日期刚好是1千。hhh
- posting again in a while. something I've thought about recently is the way our perception can shake the way we feel. and it can change often, too often, and I look back at my previous selves with mixed emotions such as disgust, jealousy, and disdain.
- I think I'll take a break from writing for a bit
- 哈哈哈……哈哈。你收到了，你看到了，我该这么回你啊？我明白……期待你下一条回复。
- Is the only way to keep going on to drown out the noise by playing music louder than I can bear? Is the only way to erase the chaos to replace it with a dull clarity? Is the only way to numb this pain to sink into the depressing familiarity and comfort of music, once again? And is the only way to obliterate whatever shit I'm feeling, to plug it in and turn it up? You're so close yet so far...
- even if ur sitting next to me idk but.. i still cant bring myself to look you in the eyes
- im sorry
- Your back is turned now, is this how it's going to be now? Yeah, I know.. blame me, I.. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry
- Hesitation's a bitch. I dont think i should walk with you now.. I'm sorry, but for some reason I.. Yeah, I'll leave you two alone. I'm sorry. I.. I. shouldnt have im sorry im sorry...
- 开学一个多星期了，不知道你现在怎么样？好近又好远……
- 刷手机、躺床上、无用傻逼、张嘴废话、看不清、说不清、感觉不到、头昏脑乱
- 发给你了 你看到了吗
- 明天开学。不知会不会看到你啊？
- 有时候我们忘记生活中的开心因为我们生活在的压力太大了。我认为我自己的压力醉经也冲冲冲，感觉有点像在坐个过山车，我的兴趣为什么这么不稳定啊？为什么回头神才能够看到以前的后悔啊？为什么？？为什么没有人能够看到我啊？为什么没有人能够安慰我啊？？写着写着，我就想开始哭了。啊……kms.
- 嗨。最近我自己觉得优点不一样。我，和一年前的我，显然有很大的变化。可我心里总是想要你保存原来的形态。为什么啊？我怕变化，特别是关于你。我怕你已不是我一年前认识的人。我就是怕这样的变化。今天的日记，就算到此为止了吧。反正我其他也没在想什么。
- 有时候我怕我已把你忘了，而有时候我又总是被周围的环境reminded of you so much. But at the same time我自己也不确定我影像中的你到底是不是现在的you。
- “春雪，为什么你写的时候总是那么……怎么说啊，你怎么总是那么……emotional?” “因为我没有其他的办法了。你以为你了解？狗屁。”
- 今天：开心40%，累80%
- 最近开始又写了一点，可我写了一半就发现我并没有写的想我心里要的。Whatever。我不想从新在写一次，所以我就坚持写到底。但是一旦我写完了，心里总是觉得还有什么不对，我就又要从写了。累死我了，我跟你说。真可是白白浪费时间精力。可我也不想要发布我写不好的。你说呢？我到底是要怎么去解决哪？
- 今天：开心30%，累50%
- A lot of the things I want to say, I express it using the language I grew up a part of. So so many things are lost in translation. So many things that I wanted to tell you but I couldn't, simply because I couldn't say it out loud.
- I got some good news today. I thought it was good news but it turns out once you get used to knowing that you've done something, it honestly doesn't matter much.
- 今天：开心：40%，累40%
- 时间过得好快啊。谁知道你什么时候会来读我这写的，或者你到底会不会想来看看。。哎，我比知道。早就放弃去了解你了。
- 我马上就要回国喽！好久都没回去了。
- 今天我要开始网上学化学，看我能坚持几天。我现在也在学变成，还没放弃！
- 今天：开心60%，累40% —— 挺好的。
- ...what are the chances? that you will actually read this and care? what am I even writing this for? do I want you to? and if you read it, what will you think...?
- 今天：开心50%，累90%
- 昨天：开心20%，累80%
- 昨天实在太忙了，累的我要死，所以我没更新。今天也是很累，要把昨天没干完的事情都做好。
- 我把一个变成项目干完了！
- 没什么还要讲了，就到这里吧
- 我今天上了一个小提琴课。最近我在忙着准备为一个视奏，会很拼命的啊。所以，我现在要开始提高练习效率，赶紧提高我的水平。
- 今天的情绪：开心75%，累60%
- I wrote another post today. I'm slowly beginning to realize and develop my own "writing style". Before, I never knew, specifically, or rather I had never really catagorized my writing. I'm really curious to see what everyone thinks about my writing, as well. If you want to tell me, leave a message on the guestbook.
- Also, I finally started actually learning HTML and web programming! I think it's much easier than Java, but I've also not used it in a while.
- I got a new setup recently, so I was forced to clean my desk. The last time I cleaned it was two years ago...Although, the new organization is quite efficient. I think I'll try to keep it.
- Thanks, to the people who are still here. I wanted to tell you that I've decided to enter in a writing contest. I'll be submitting a few pieces, but the level of competetion will be pretty high. The titles of the pieces will be called:
- For a Voice That Once Was Music
- The World You Would Never Love Again
- Whispers Beneath the Fading Moonlight
- Aside from that... there's so much work to be done. 实在太卷啦！！
- ENHYPEN's new album released！
- 编程自己网页：学了这么加背景图，psudo-classes和header elements。I'm slowly learning HTML, CSS, and JS.
- Now it's summer break and I suddenly have a lot more time to use. The issue is that although I have a lot of time now, most of it is not mine to spend as I wish...
- 我发现时间越过越久,我写的博客越来越少了。着是因为最近为期末考试挺忙的，必须要准备好。这个学期结束后，我也会很忙，时时刻刻都有很多东西忙着干。无论是拉琴还是准备数学和科学比赛，都没什么空。不过，我会争取写写。谢谢你们读这些啊。我真没别的地方说出我的想法。如果可以的话，在Guestbooks里给我留个小消息吧。再次谢谢。
- 英文翻译：I’ve noticed I’ve been writing less and less as time slips by. Lately, I’ve just been caught up with finals — there's a lot to prepare for, and the pressure of playing violin has me caught up in an inferiority complex. And even once the semester’s over, things won’t slow down much. Between violin practice and getting ready for math and science competitions, there’s always something waiting to be done. Still, I’ll try to set aside little moments to write. Thanks to everyone for reading these quiet thoughts of mine. I don’t really have anywhere else to put them. If you could, I'd love if you would leave a little message in the Guestbook. Thanks again.
- 每天我很累。父母问我有没有觉得压力太大，可是我也不想了这种事。确实，我认为生活中实在太累了，但是能怪谁呢？只能怪我。只有我自己让我天天累的要死，只有我自己能够控制我的想法。因此，只能怪我。
- am i a poet？ am i a violinist？ at what point can i consider and call myself so？
- Auditions for next year's orchestra are past, and I had my graduation party yesterday. Now I'll soon be moving on to a new era. I don't know how I feel... I have mixed emotions. Change will be refreshing, but what of the bad aspects?
- Shakespeare's sonnets are beautiful. His style of writing, it's unlike what we study in English. The archaic language and iambic pentameter makes his writing feel timeless and nostalgic.
- I feel like everything I thought was stable was realized to be dynamically changing. For better or for worse, only the results will tell. As for now, I only have a few days of swim practice left. I can't wait until it's over...
- I fed 4o my blog posts and used the AI to analyze my personality. Surprisingly, it gave my MBTI, INFP accurately. More specifically, INFP-T 4w5, although the AI wasn't able to detect that.
- I know I haven't kept up in a while... oops.
- I'll try to keep updating.
- I've taken an interest in poetry. I'll upload excerpts sometime.
- I have a violin competition today. The selected piece for my solo is slow and beautiful. It's a romance. I'm mostly worried that I won't be able to play out the emotions Beethoven wrote the piece for. Then, the piece wouldn't be genunine. It'd just be a replica, a fake, a guise. What's the point of playing a beautiful piece without beauty? I just wish I could fully understand how to play my soul from the bow. Why can't I do so?... AUhjrshkuej. frustrating...
- I just spent hours unloading and crying online. Writing my feelings out helps me feel much better, but I've neglected my homework and it's late night now. Which is more important, my mental health or my mental health? Take your pick, haha.
- Every time I practice violin alone it sounds fine, but when I play in front of a critizing audience, I fall apart.
- Am I a creative or thinking type? Yes, I'm drawn to artistic expression, such as violin and art. But I've also been told I have a mind for math and the sciences. Which am I?
- A few years ago, I took the MBTI test and got INTJ. Two years later, I did it again and got INTP. A few months later, I got the INFP. Again, which am I?
- Never mind. I can't write in the style of day-to-day blogging.
- I really want to buy ENHYPEN concert tickets. Why are they so expensive???
- I don't have anyone to go with and my mom probably wouldn't be willing to let me go, anyway.
- On my read/watchlist: Death Note, Link Click, jstm, orv novel
- What do people usually write about? I don't know what is meaningful enough to write about in this kind of blog post, or maybe it's for writing about the unmeaningful, routine tasks in life.
- Haven't posted in a while. Day to day life is quite boring, nothing special. Everyday is so boring. The same routine.
- Today, I went out. I went to the zoo with my parents. Then, we went out to eat and later I watched a movie with my mother.
- I'll post the rest in a blog post. A lot happened today.
- 今天又坚持了一天游泳训练，我们的coach总是每天先把我们的手臂和腿断掉，然后叫我们又游个几百米。累死啦！I'm tired now.
- Today I contemplated writing another entry about understanding people, but with my friends... Then I realized it was a mess of jumbled thoughts, and I needed to make sense of it first. All I had was the idea. I'm too lazy to actually commit...
- 晚上十一点：我坐在我椅子上，靠着墙壁。我的脑子里完全空的，我的思绪很乱，刚写完作业。今天又有挺多的作业。我好累。。。
Post with ❤️ by 春雪