taking a break from my life
Every once in a while, I realize yet another emotion has quietly slipped away from me. In these moments, I can't help but feel a sense of misplaced nostalgia for the times I've lost. Although my senses tell me the story of a rhythmic, steady life, I can't help but feel like I'm slowly losing the person I once was. Like an insect molting, I'm slowly emerging from my dead shell of a former self, opening my eyes to another, more chilling isolation. Sometimes, I feel an emotion so foreign yet so familar, that I wonder if I truly remember my identity. Or is it that I've long became a different person? By shedding the subjective standpoints of myself from a few years ago, I almost can't recognize myself anymore. Seeing things objectively, it makes me wonder if I'm even any better than the Yurei ghosts wandering about aimlessly. I can see- things, invisible things, that most people aren't aware of. Such as, the emotional connections holding people together, and the layered nature of many decitfully simple relationships. No, life isn't simple. I'd give it all, all my accomplishments, all mine. Just to go back. It doesn't matter. I regret so much, living as I am. I've made it to the top, but I'm barely hanging onto the bottom of the ladder. There was always something I regretted in my life. However, the things I regretted most weren't for what I had done but for what I hadn't. Writing this so late at night... the sky is dark, the moon is bright, and a single flickering light accompanies me and the quiet beat of rain falling. Sometimes I wonder if I'm even sane. Staring into that internal void like this.. I don't think I can keep going. So I'm going to take a break. Away from the world, away from the pressures being forced onto me. It's such an inferiority complex, goddamn it. Taking a break... I suppose it won't really work. However, even the illusion of comfort is enough.
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